Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
-Walt Whitman
We all have Parts, or aspects of ourselves, that come up in different situations. Maybe a Part of you really wants to start exercising more, but another Part of you can’t seem to get off the couch. Maybe a Part of you is fiercely committed to staying calm with your kids, but suddenly you find yourself yelling and losing your cool. Sometimes this can turn into what feels like an inner battle, leaving us feeling ashamed and exhausted.
Sometimes there are Parts of us that hold feelings or memories that seem overwhelming and unbearable, and we’d like to hide them or lock them away somewhere. We might work hard to try to control everything around us and within us, in order to keep these Parts from getting triggered. This may work for a while, but at times, those feelings or memories come rushing forward, whether we like it or not.
Even though the word “family,” is in the name, Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach in individual therapy. In IFS, we get to know the different Parts that make up your inner world - the family within. We help you connect with your true Self - the you behind these different Parts. We help you listen to, understand, and care for all the Parts of you. We help you become a sturdy and compassionate leader for your inner world.
An IFS session can feel a little like a family meeting, where your true Self is at the head of the table. Just like people, arguing with Parts often makes them get louder and more demanding. So, in IFS, we extend curiosity and understanding to each Part. We trust that even the most destructive Parts have some good intention, or some way they are trying to help or protect us. Once Parts feel seen and understood, they are often more receptive to giving us space to make a change or try something new.
When we approach our Parts with curiosity, courage, and compassion, they can heal and transform.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
-Rumi
IFS is recognized by the National Registry of Evidence-based Programs and Practices (NREPP) as an evidence-based treatment. It has been shown to be effective for healing trauma, and treating anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders.
Reach Out
If you are interested in trying this approach, click here to get in touch with a therapist who is familiar with the model.
About the Author
Julie Branson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (License 47188) whose specialty areas include maternal well-being and trauma recovery. Her approach draws from Attachment Theory, Person Centered/Humanistic, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness, and Internal Family Systems.
Schwartz RC. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. Guilford Press.
Schwartz RC. (2021). No Bad Parts: Healing trauma & restoring wholeness with the Internal Family Systems model. Sounds True.