Drawing on Positive Early Experiences to Guide Us Through Parenting Challenges
Identifying Our Angels
When you were growing up, who made you feel special? Who made you feel loved, accepted, and understood? Maybe it was your parents, but it may have been someone outside of your immediate family. Was there a teacher who really believed in you? Or an auntie who you could always depend on?
For me, it was my grandma. I only saw her a couple of times a year because she lived in another state. But, when I visited her, I knew I was going to get the tightest, longest hugs. I knew she would have my favorite ice cream in the freezer. I could count on her to make me feel like I belonged. When I was around her, I didn't feel like I had to struggle to earn her affection. She made me feel worthy of love, just by being me.
Struggling with Our Ghosts
When we become parents, our childhood memories tend to show up in one way or another. If we grew up in an invalidating or unsafe environment, it can sometimes feel like a struggle to do things differently and break free from the past. In the mid-70's, a child psychoanalyst named Selma Fraiberg introduced the concept of "ghosts in the nursery," to explain how the past can sometimes haunt us, getting in the way of us being the parents we want to be.
Calling on Our Angels
When we are parenting from a place of reactivity, our ghosts are likely to show up, whether we like it or not. However, when we take the time to practice self-reflection, we can choose to call forward our most tender memories of being cared for, even if those moments were few and far between. In 2005, Alicia Lieberman coined the term "angels in the nursery," to describe how our early experiences of feeling fully loved can be a source of protection and resiliency. Uncovering our angels can be an important part of healing the past as we navigate the challenges of parenting.
Try it Now
Do you have a particular memory of feeling completely loved? Who were you with? Where were you? What are the smells, feelings, sounds, and sights connected to your memory? Savor it, or write about it in a journal. Is there a part of this memory that you would like to re-create with your own child?
Reach Out
If you are ready to dive a little deeper into how you can call on your past to heal your present, click here to schedule a complimentary phone consultation and learn more.
About the Author
Julie Branson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (License 47188) whose specialty areas include maternal well-being and trauma recovery. She is an Infant-Family and Early Childhood Mental Health Specialist.
